Choosing an Agent vs. Choosing a College

It's been a while since I assaulted you guys with an over-involved analogy, and we all know how much I love over-involved analogies. So in honor of the start of my final year in high school before college, here's another one! It's colleges... VERSUS AGENTS.

Truth is, far fewer people have experienced the holyhappystresskablamity of choosing an agent than of choosing a college. Both choices represent an amazing chance in life. But beyond that, could they be parallel in nature? I mean, first we have...

THE IVY LEAGUE AGENT

Something went down to make this agent part of the elite. Maybe they only accept queries by request. Maybe they just made The Biggest Deal in the History of Deals OMGWTFBBQ. Maybe they were bitten by a radioactive spider and can now climb the walls of publishing houses, place your manuscript at the top any reading pile, and make a swingy getaway! YES.

Or maybe they take part in a circa-1902 sports league that somehow makes them and their fellow agentletes the best agents in the land. Whatever it is, their rockin' reputation makes writers everywhere go wild, which might explain their .03% acceptance rate. But forreals, there's life beyond the Agent League! Which leads us to...

THE SMALL LIBERAL ARTS AGENT

Choose a Small Liberal Arts Agent, and you've chosen a friend. They might not have tons of name recognition yet, but they'll put all the love and effort that is logistically possible into your sparkly future together. Need help with these line edits before you leave for Fiji next week? Sho thang! Need a characterization tutor for that big revisions deadline? Here, they'll hook you up.

It's true that hand-holding isn't something they're afraid to do, which comes in handy when you're having a mental breakdown over a plot arc at 3AM, but which might strike some as overkill. In fact, clients may become subject to the Agent Bubble, in which everything is so perfect and awesome that you kind of, um, forget about, um, the terrifying real world. But it's so awesooome!

THE BIG STATE AGENT

You are statistically more likely to query this agent, simply because everyone who knows what's up queries this agent. They've made a good name for themselves, fo sure, and they're thought to churn out book deals at a reliable rate. Lock and load.

Because they're pretty busy, the client experience might not be as personal - you may or may not have held an epic rager in your dorm room last weekend without them noticing. But freedom can be a good thing, and when you really need 'em, they're there for you. Specifically, when you need to spend the entire day in the nurses' ward, whispering at people to turn the lights down and stop yelling so loudly when they talk. Shh. Shhhh.

THE ART AGENT

These agents are mega serious about their craft. They know what they want from you - bangin' writing - and they expect you to know what you want. Because dudes? This business is tough. Their approach may be unique, but for those who click with it, it's a dream come true.

The Art Agent will make it clear that you may be living on steamed cardboard in a one-room studio for a while. You may be rejected until all the unicorns and rainbows disappear. (Noo!) But when you strike gold, it's the Art Agent who will have clobbered you into the fine specimen of an artist you are that day. Yay for clobbering!

In the end, the act of choosing an agent and of choosing a college are similar for one simple reason: this is the future we're talkin' about. It's the dawn of a new relationship, one that'll help you get a paying job - in this case, as a writer at a publishing house. Plus, as Hannah astutely points out, if things don't work well, there's always the option of transferring.

'Course, when it comes to college, the real question is... ARE YOU READY TO PARTAAY? No, that's not a real question. Unless someone's interested in going streaking, call me

I may have finished a novel and gotten an agent (Suzie, you are my Small Liberal Arts Ivy League dream-muse), but I'm still procrastinating the applications that'll actually get me into college. Should probs start those... after the partaay! Which school-agent type would you prefer? Or, if you've made it past the gates, which one rocks your world?