QUIZ: Do You Suffer From SMS Syndrome? Find Out or Cry

Social media! Just the phrase has the power to make authors worry, to ignite conversational fires, and to cook a twenty-pound turkey in twenty minutes flat (or something). Recent writerly discussion around the blogosphere has posed the question: what the heck's up with this 'Net world-thing?

If you're a writer or a reader or a publishing worker bee, is participation worth it? Is it harmful? Is it the Key to All Things Good Ever? Or something else entirely, something we haven't quite gotten a handle on yet?

Between Twitter, Facebook, blogging, email groups, Random Stalker Application 1, and Random Stalker Application 2, our shiny Internet-reliant world has become way smaller and more connected - while also becoming a lot more time-consuming. And just like eating more cookie dough ice cream means more regret when you realize the whole carton is GONE, more time consumption means stress.

The fact is, taking advantage of social media is important - how important and why is up for grabs, but it's pretty much true. At the same time, one can't help but be reminded of '50s housewife culture, which encouraged women to spend their days cleaning, fluffing and smiling, only to wake up one day and realize everything sucks and Betty Friedan has gone and written a book trashing your whole way of living. But is the situation really parallel? Only your heart holds the answer, baby.

For now, here's a quiz to evaluate whether or not you're suffering from Social Media Stress Syndrome, also known as SMSS! Your results, as well as some advice for any ailing souls, shall be revealed by a questionably qualified me at the end. It's fun and easy. Just like your mom! WHOA WHAT.

Upon waking up in the morning, your first act consists of:
A) Eating breakfast, maybe going for a walk, then getting down to writing like a mofo. All that social goodness can wait until you've been at least a little productive. (Just a lil'.)
B) Checking your phone or computer for updates. It ain't the most zen start to a day, but if you wanted to go for a walk, you could. Honestly. It's a possibility!
C) Doing stuff online. Hell, that's your second act, and your fifth act... and your act during dinner... and right before you go to bed. Also, if you happen to wake up in the middle of the night for bathroom purposes. EPIC.

Trekking through the social media landscape makes you feel...
A) Cool. All these rad people actually want to talk to you! It's great to connect with everyone on a reasonable basis.
B) A little overwhelmed. It's so fun, but sometimes it seems like more of a job than a recreational activity.
C) Feel? Feelings? No time for those, man. Gotta keep updating and surfing. Gogogo!

A magic unicorn with recently evolved thumbs flies down, ties your hands together, and binds you to a chair. It then informs you of an Extremely Important Message waiting for you at your favorite 'Net hotspot. You:
A) Struggle, but soon surrender to staring at the unicorn's entrancing glittery tresses. The message can wait! No biggie.
B) Freak the heck out as your blood pressure rises. What if it's [Insert Important Thing]? You eventually give up and wait for release, but not before imagining all the ways this unicorn has just ruined everything.
C) Gnaw through the ropes and escape to check the message using a nearby axe. BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

Why do you Tweetblogupdatestalk, yo?
A) To please yourself! O' course.
B) Um, because you should? Like, for yourself... sort of. Okay, so a lot of it's for others... but that's life. Right?
C) Question does not compute. No reason necessary. GTG TBUS mo' SRY

And now, your results!

Mostly A's: Ridin' Calm Congratulations! You've found a good balance of social media participation that caters to your particular needs and wants. In the words of Hyde from That 70's Show: "Where zen ends, ass-kicking begins." Advice Spread your wisdom to any stressed-out little bees you might notice. Because we're all in this together, oh yes!

Mostly B's: Showing Symptoms Social media has become a chore for you, although you might not want to admit it. This is lame-o, and part of you knows it shouldn't be this way. Advice Designate a guilt-free day or two in the week during which you're not allowed to touch social media. This'll activate your brain's desire to press the "Do Not Press" button and make your "on" days más enjoyable. Plus, you'll get to relax and focus on what really matters. Like cookie dough ice cream.

Mostly C's: Damn. You've got SMSS! Similar to a sugar-hyped kid, you're bouncing from wall to wall and making your destitute parents lose sleep in the process. Further advancement down this path may result in burnout, nervous breakdowns, and inability to talk in anything but 140-character units. Oh man! Advice Take a break from it all for as long as you can manage, then come back with a plan. Ration your time online, and hold yourself back by remembering that the world isn't going anywhere. Updates come and go, but every moment of your life can only be enjoyed once. Take control! 'Cause you rock.

Please do not take these results seriously, as they come from the mind of a crazy girl and hold no scientific merit. Unless you want to believe they do, in which case I am totes flattered. Are you suffering from SMSS? If not, what's your key to a balanced life? (Besides whole grains, duh.)