Ninjas, NaNo, & Beyond: The 3 Stages of Speed Writing

Hola amazing chicos and chicas! How you guys been doin'? I've been good, good. November is upon us, which can only mean three things: 1) Thanksgiving break is soooon! 2) DEATHLY HALLOWS AAHH. And most relevantly... 3) It's National Novel Writing Month!

I wasn't able to participate in NaNo this year, but I did get my own little taste of that writerly pressure, that word-count craziness, just this past weekend. It was traumatic. It was kind of fun. It was... The SATs (Standardized Aptitude Tests for colleges). More specifically, the 25-minute essay portion. Oh yeah!

Before I get into that, let me say I hardcore admire all of you who are doing or have done NaNo (or any of its variations). I mean, deadlines are my lifeblood, but 30 days to write 50,000 words? Dude. I rack up my dumbfoundedness to a healthy dose of inner perfectionism, and by healthy I mean analogous to a double-fried corndog stuffed with Oreos and wrapped in bacon. Mmm, Oreos.

Truth is, perfectionism can be a gift or a curse. And in the story I'm about to tell you in the hopes of spreading that thesis, it was the latter. (DUN DUN DUN.)

To set the scene: it's 8AM. The classroom is full of bright-faced little SAT-takers. The first section is The Essay. I can already feel my perfectionism buzzing through my pencil, but I swear I won't get all obsessive. I will finish in 25 minutes! The proctor says go, sadly not using a shotgun.

And the three mental stages of speed writing begin.

Stage 1: THE CALM

Hey, it's all chill at this point. I read the prompt, which is something about SECRET INFORMATION REMOVED BY COLLEGE BOARD MONKEY NINJAS. I take my sweet time thinking of examples, and then I take more high-fructose time writing a flashy-fab introduction and topic sentence. Look at how smart I sound! Talking about the dawn of mankind and human society and stuff. Aww. I'm adorable.

After all that time perfecting with my words like a baby playing with duckies in the tub, I look back at the clock. Oh, crap. I've taken 9 minutes to complete the first paragraph. Not so good. So starts...

Stage 2: NNGHH

A slight uncomfortableness washes over me, and I pull at my hair as though the goddess Athena will spring forth from my forehead and write this for me. Faced with a block, I scrap my first example and lay all hopes on the second one. It regards The Fountainhead, which is super predictable. Dagnabbit, this has gotta be perfect...

Howard Roark! Big words! Varied sentence structure! I'm still not going that fast, but I'm feeling better. This will work out great. Hmmm, what's a better a more pretentious-sounding word for truly? Veritably! Sweet. Bask in my perfect analysis, College Board essay readers. Baask.

Then the proctor says it: "Five minutes left, everybody."

Stage 3: NUCLEAR PANIC

What? WHAT?!?!? NOOOOO. (Simba: Daaaaad!) I'm nowhere near finished! I only have a page! You need to fill all two pages to get a good score! That's all they care about! Oh. My. God. I'm going to get a zero OR WORSE. (Retrospectively, I'm not sure what could be worse than a zero, but the threat was there.) AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

Let me tell you guys: I haven't experienced adrenaline like that in a long time. My hand starts shaking as I scribble about the epic fail that is Peter Keating. Legibility falls to the wayside like a bloody victim of war. I'm supposed to be analyzing, but instead it's a struggle to complete a single sensical thought! BREATHE. When the proctor calls pencils down, I scribble one more word, neutering my conclusion but kinda-sorta finishing the essay. Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

And then it was time for the math section.

*~~~The Moral of the Story~~~* Or, Notes to Myself

Whether you're writing a 400-word essay in 25 minutes or a 50,000-word novel in 30 days, time management is key. And what ranks as one of the biggest opponents of time management? Mr. Perfectionism. He'll eat up your time like me devouring leftover Halloween candy, leaving you with no time to actually complete your goal. Though he's useful come revisions, if the whole point is to write - and write fast - he's just a lame-o. You heard me, Mr. P!

Have you ever been a victim of perfectionism? And are you doing NaNo this year? If so, I'd love a picture of you for my wall! (Specimen is creepy yet loving.) Good luck writing to all, and I hope everyone has a great week!