Your Most Badass Self, & Other In-Demand Identities [RTW]

Road Trip Wednesday is a blog carnival hosted by the fabulous YA Highway. This week's question, inspired by YAHer Kirsten Hubbard's new book Like Mandarin: who did you want to be like when you were a youngin'?

P!nk: THE ULTIMATE GIRLCRUSH.

Have you ever felt like you weren't living up to your true potential? Man, I know I have. Around fourteen - that age of disorderly limbs and awkwardness - I really wasn't digging who I was. I felt trapped inside myself, and blossoming into a more confident, more badass gal felt like a goal as far away as Antarctica.

Just like Grace in Kirsten Hubbard's amazing debut-that-came-out-yesterday Like Mandarin (EPIC PLUG YO), I would have given anything to be like someone different. Especially this one rockin' imaginary girl in my head. Who I described thusly in a 2007 diary entry. Why yes, I did go on to become a fiction writer; how did you guess?

Hairstyle inspiration? Oh yeah.
P.S. NO SMOKING

Name: Jolie (pretty en français)
Appearance: "Super-short hair, gelled up, dyed halfway platinum blonde."
Clothes: "All crazy fashion outfits~"
Social cr3d: "She's friends with everyone who's friendly... but she has her own circle of friends... And she likes everyone, too, and she sees the good in everyone. She goes to all the parties..."
Opinion of roller-coasters (yeah, I'd just gone to Six Flags): "Being afraid of a stupid roller coaster is NOT her. She isn't afraid of annyyyything~"

Simply put, Jolie was the girl I yearned to become. She was my most badass self - or so I thought at the time.

I wonder, what would life be like if everyone was their most badass self? If everyone could think of themselves as 100% self-fulfilled - the ultimate picture of who they've always wanted to be?

Maybe we'd have a lot more people with supermodel bodies walking around. Maybe we'd have a lot more supermodels - and artists, and straight-A students, and (holla!) successful authors. In a world of universal self-fulfillment, nobody would need to cry out and yearn for inner change. It would go down just like that.

But that, I think, would mean losing an important part of the process. Perhaps the most important part.

I tried to make it bigger, but Blogger yelled
at me for being obnoxious.

Four years after writing that description of the girl I wanted to be, I don't have a spiky pixie cut. (Tried it. Didn't look so hot.) I don't go to all the parties (what happens at those, anyway?), and fashion still isn't my forté (let's blame the wallet).

Luckily, I don't think I've failed little me in all respects. I've gained a lot: amazing friends, the courage to face a rollercoaster, and - this still shocks me every day - confidence and a liking for who I am.

Am I my most badass self, yet? No way. Who is? And maybe this question isn't such a crazy one to pose: who would want to be?

It's obvious that self-fulfillment doesn't happen easily. We struggle for it our whole lives, filling ourselves with yearning, drive, a passion for improvement and achievement. Even our idols, our non-imaginary Jolies, aren't perfect: they're struggling, too. Grace learns that well in Like Mandarin, with some sad consequences.   

But that struggle doesn't have to be sad. In fact, I think it's beautiful. Honestly, it seems like it's the constant journey towards self-fulfillment that makes us who we are, imperfections and all. And whoever you are now - well, some would say that's your most badass self. (Like me! I would say that. BECAUSE YOU'RE AWESOME.)

Who did you want to be like when you were a youngin'? While you're remembering, don't forget to check out a copy of Kirsten Hubbard's Like Mandarin, which chronicles 14-year-old Grace's wild journey towards a new self. Help me help Like Mandarin take over the world! Why? Because it's already headed that way anyway, and who wants to impede the inevitable? Wh00t!